How to be PRO snowboard blogger in 5 easy steps

Often (like may be once or twice) I get asked: “Hoon, how can I be a super kewl snowboard blogger like you?

Well Joey, it takes a lot of hard work, dedication, journalism school and a real passion for snowboarding. Okay, okay, okay. You got me. It really doesn’t take any of that stuff, and I’ll let you in on a little secret. It’s super easy, easier than Facebook, and even your grandmother can be a super PRO snowboarder blogger with our step-by-step guide. Follow these five easy steps and watch the free schwag, lift tickets and pro-ho’s rain down on you like you’re at da club.

Step 1: Go to the interweb and find a domain name. Sites like godaddy.com will help you select an appropriate, open name for your super rad site-to-be. Make sure that your blog name includes words like snow, boarder, pro, shred, rad, snowboard slang, some weird strange name, your location or a snowboard trick. I suggest radsnowprobloggerfang.com

Step 2: Set up a PO Box in a cool, snowboard town like Breckenridge, Park City or Mountain Creek. You gotta make sure that the snowboard companies know you’re the real deal. Begin to email and facespace snowboard and outdoor companies. Only call yourself by your blog name, Radsnowprobloggerfang, and demand free gear because you are the most bad-ass, super know-it-all with more snowboard techno-knowledge than Chris Doyle, Mike Olsen and Sherman Poppen combined! Important: if you don’t know who Sherman Poppen is, just skip to step 4. Because these companies have warehouses of stuff, they will immediately comply with daily deliveries.

Step 3: Write a vapid, meaningless review (see below for a sample) which only offers glowing positives and only really explains how awesome Radsnowproblogger.com is. Consider including pictures of snowboard gear that won’t be released for 3 years that you found on some other blogger’s site.

Step 4: Promote yourself all over Facespace, Twitsquare, and all the other social networking, media, 2.0 websites. Friend everybody. Very important: Under no circumstances do you make physical contact with anyone who is not a Director of Marketing, Professional Snowboarder or CEO of a company. Make sure to bring three cameras to get the right shots.

Step 5: Repeat Steps 2 – 4 on a daily or weekly basis through the winter. Consider broadening your reach/depth with “reviews” on skate, surf and other action sport-related stuff.

Sample Article:
Instructions: Simply replace the italicized, bracketed text with your own words and repost to your super-awesome blog.
Yesterday, I received some super [snowboard slang superlative] [snowboard gear item] from [company name]. I was super [snowboard slang superlative] and honored that [company name] would send me something to try out.

I tried the [snowboard gear item] [triple-digits] times at [super kick-ass snowboard mountain] in [super hard-core] conditions. This was the most [snowboard slang superlative] [snowboard gear item] that I have ever tried. I really love the [snowboard slang superlative] [nonsensical snowboard technology term] and how it [snowboard trick slang] on [super stealth backcountry trail name].

Big props to [name drop company executive’s name] for letting me try this truly [snowboard slang superlative] game-changing [snowboard gear item].

13 thoughts on “How to be PRO snowboard blogger in 5 easy steps

  1. Does this have to do with a certain blogger that rhymes with Gayboarder.com that sucks at writing, sucks off the balls of the snowboard industry, and generally fails at life? Cause if so you nailed it on the head.

  2. Yeah – Janie nailed it spot on, as did Brooke. It slams everyone & it is funny because it's true. All in you write something, you may build an audience, you might do a review , you may or may not get a following. You got to a trade show and you may build up some partnerships – hell I skip SIA every year but I loved me some ASR ala' San Diego back in the olden days. Ahhhh loose beers in the aisles.Bottom line – It's a total fucking crap shoot in the world of blogging. Ain't nobody gettin' rich up in the web 5.7 fool! Best you can do is either develop a tone – voice that resonates with people or just saturate the market with your words. The problem is (as Brooke pointed out in not so many words) is that we all end up whoring ourselves out on some level.So you can go to Tiajuana and get Hooned or hang in the rockies Shaying around or being Angry. You can Live2Ride in the North East, be a snow collective in Utah or just hang your hat in the Mid Atlantic and drink cheap beer while just publishing nonsense like South of the North. We are all cheap little internet chimps who would likely sing and dance for a Banana.Unless there's no toilet paper in the port o john … then I'm calling Brooke on your ass.

  3. my days would be lonely on the toilet without all the blogs. i though about starting one but then realized it took effort, so i said 'fuck it'.'anonymous' can suck a cock-your shit does hold validation when you ghost write.

  4. If only it was that easy…good post, harsh but good.Anonymous…don't have the balls to post underneath your real name? I think you failed at life, the day you hit a woman and kept doing it. Get over yourself and move on.

  5. Haha Avrin the angry snowboarder got called out for bein a wife beater! thats great! I love the post and its spot on. Everyone is crackin me up today (not as much as the angry snowboarder at the a basin park though, kid sucks)

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